…you’re still here, there and everywhere… every drop of kindness, forgiveness, patience and compassion that seeps through my dark, dreary and desolate core, reminds me of you… never, ever will forget…  

I never felt you leave

your face is the sunset

that always watches over me,

your voice is the rain

gently falling on my rooftop

you’re within these walls

to protect me from nightmares

a guardian angel

     You no longer are

     but you will always be

     in my topsy-turvy thoughts

     when a little rhum-tipsy

     and everytime i feel that way

     i understand

     you were meant to be

     an Angel

You’ll always be

in my prayers and curses

when a little tipsy

And everytime i get that way

i understand

you were meant to be

an Angel…

– Erika Linawan (1994)

for Reean Moreno Ambrosio

December 3, 1978 - October 6, 2008

THE ELECTRIC KOOL-AID ACID TEST

This book was written as a somewhat, chronicle of Ken Kesey’s* life and the adventures of The Merry Pranksters in 1964. In the words of Tom Wolfe, Kesey acted as a counter-cultural icon, who some consider, was a link between the Beat Generation of the 1950s and the hippies of the 1960s. He said, “I was too young to be a beatnik, and too old to be a hippie”… Often depicted as a very influential person and the unspoken leader of the Merry Pranksters, the book references popular figures and influences from the movement as Stewart Brand, Jack Kerouac, Mountain Girl, Jerry Garcia, Timothy Leary, Larry McMurtry, Fritz Perls, Neal Cassady, Allen Ginsberg, Hunter S. Thompson, Paul Krassner, Haight-Ashbury, LSD, Grass, The Grateful Dead, Hell’s Angels and even a bit of the Beatles… The book details various cosmic trips within their La Honda, California playground and actual mad trips (all over the U.S. and Mexico) on their bus, nicknamed - FURTHER**… Once is all it takes, and the experience will blow you away, you will no longer dream in black and white, and your thoughts will be covered in Day-Glo images…

The way he wrote the book made La Honda, California in 1964 seem other-worldly and made the characters seem invincible… The pranksters easily got themselves onto some impossible, foolishly wild and dangerous predicaments, but somehow always managed to always just skate around all of the holes in the ice, seemingly by magic, almost made you feel like the the story was fiction… The way Tom Wolfe described every detail was sheer poetry, and would’ve made an amazing graphic novel… You will never believe how someone in a dapper suit as Wolfe, can actually capture the existence and necessity of the beautiful people… The Book also made a lot of references to the way, The Unspoken Thing, keeps happening… When you experience something, unfamiliar and it literally blows you away… Much in the same manner that religion depicts an awakening of the soul… No words can describe it, but it is there… It also gives you an insight of how Ken Kesey developed the manuscripts for his book — One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest… One author i greatly respect, admire and miss… He is, i believe, in day-glo heaven…

* Ken Kesey (September 17, 1935 – November 10, 2001) was the author of One FlewOver The Cuckoo’s Nest, and he wrote the beginnings of the book while experimenting on psychoactive drugs ( LSD, psilocybin, mescaline, cocaine, and DMT ) as part of a study called Project MKULTRA at the Menlo Park Veterans Hospital…

** FURTHER, was a 1939 International Harvester school bus. When Ken Kesey buys it for a trip to New York, for the publication of his novel Sometimes a Great Notion, he signs the contract “Intreprid Trips, Inc.” — http://www.univie.ac.at/Anglistik/easyrider/data/tom_wolfe.htm

Super-duper THANKS

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i planned on updating my friendster layout… minor success, because i finally put one of S’ peechurs to good use… very fascinating, her eye to capture time and detail, i almost envy her and her camera (almost, because in truth i admire her gift)… it’s a talent, that hopefully she learns to hone… she will be very amazing @ it, too!!!

this week, i also tried to stay away from my multiply, and was a bit shocked to see that a lot of my friends actually read my thoughts (rather, the ramblings of a slightly left-of-centered mind, mildly delusional and neurotic individual)… i feel i am normal, because i often find time to laugh @ my rants and musings after a couple of days… and maybe next week, i can checkout multiply in a bit…

This week was actually when we all felt that R was really gone… not dead, out of the country gone — but resigned, left the coop, gone… although he hasn’t really found time to job-hunt and what-not, he has lost all the motivation to move forward @ work… funny how things work, sometimes, signs for you means a slap or a bucket of super-cold water in the face — which pretty much sums up what happened to about 34 of us… and i will not be surprised if one day we all disappear, one by one… supersaiang… i can hear someone speaking in the background — "the potential is there, but…" — and i guess, you can never can tell (*sic) with the corporate world, and it makes me sick to the stomach when dogs eat their kind… and i feel that R had too much… anyways, it’s a small world after all, like that morbid disney soundtrack, and i feel that there will be more stories for the teller in the future… well, he is after all, just an IM/ text away…

i,m superglad S decided to stay… well, @ least for the meantime, in the meantime, meanwhile… the ride keeps rolling on, it’s hard to let go of routine, and i very rarely make friends — and right now, from where i stand, she is definitely and ally…

so there, great week, and very uneventful… where will i be a couple of days from now… am ignoring M for now… not to make it as some sort of revenge… i will call it a purification ritual on my part, because Samhain is coming and that month means starting over, beginnings… as i said before, no one wants a wicca with excess baggage, the world is rain-drippy and overflowing with muck as it is… well, whatever, enough said… Xp

i am loving my colleague S, she is the ever-elusive lomo/photograph-ress, responsible for the bee-autiful peechur on the background of my new profile layout… hopefully friendster will not update any softwares, applications soon and restore everything to its default settings… i was beginning to feel hopeless because i forgot where i picked up the old vincent valentine image… and am getting a little (just a teensy-weensy bit) tired of him anyways… so am super-proud of my new layout… i want to learn more, hopefully i find time… superthankness S!!!

… your prodigal daughter has returned… and other nonsense… i have been busy with my other sites doing online shopping, reading, trying to awaken the mind and now i’m back… i will put aside my newfound habits to try and relive lost thoughts and feelings… where do i begin???